經典英語笑話笑話大全帶翻譯笑破你的肚子痛
四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."更多英語笑話盡在應屆畢業生笑話網。
是我把他晾干
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的.病人。一天，他們沿著醫院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來。
當院長聽聞了Mary的英勇行為后，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進了自己的辦公室.
“Mary，我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說明你的意識已經恢復了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”
Mary說：“他沒有自殺，是我把他吊起來好讓他晾干。”
停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向于在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。”
“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。
“不存在這樣的問題!”律師厲聲打斷他。
“噢，”證人說：“那么請你回答這個問題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”
奇怪的關系
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
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